February 2012
1 post
Just drop it.
Thats all i can do, thats what i feel i SHOULD do. I should drop it when you do things that upset me as to not piss you off.
I know it doesnt make sense, but thats kind of how emotionally… abusive? our relationship is. Not abusive in a harsh way, but you’ve somehow manipulated me to be a certain way, to feel a certain way, and the thing is, you didnt even try to.
You justify your...
October 2011
3 posts
I dont really know what to do anymore.
tears leak out of my eyes more often than they should because i dont feel like im worth it to you.
It hurts because your so worth it to me.
Its those times where i realize that if i asked you what i meant to you, i know you wouldnt really know what to say..
the sad thing is, that i would know exactly what to say.
thats the thing. Im so… willing to...
these are the times i was philophobic to begin with. fuck you.
September 2011
2 posts
meow. im horny. lets do it.
August 2011
3 posts
comfort
you love me. i love you. and ive always been there to dry your tears sometimes i need you to dry mine, too. no one else has that capability because i dont show anyone else my vulnerability but dont judge me when i come to you im ashamed, its true im not brave unless i have to.
so when i come with tears in my eyes and i took off all of my disguise dont be dissapointed in the way i feel or get...
2 tags
i could make you happy make your dreams come true if i still even wanted you before there was nothing that i wouldnt do to make you feel my love the storm is raging on the rolling sea and on the highway of regret i had no idea when we met how cruel your eyes could be i know you havnt made up your mind yet because you never can
i hate it when you smoke pot around me. cant you have more respect for me to atleast not do it around me?
you know i dont like it, hardly like you, when you are altered like that.
July 2011
3 posts
I hope you get your flight tomorrow. Its such a tease to my heart not knowing… I love you so much. Ive missed you so much and i still miss you more than ever.
You are gone now. Not forever. But, its been a few days since you’ve left and it already feels like months. Its already been too long and i hate having to wait for you to come back to me at the end of the month. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, and im usually fine during the day. But it is in the nighttime when i try to fall asleep that i have troubles. It is then when i am in my...
June 2011
5 posts
Everything is so much better, now. Thank God. I know i fucked up more than i should have, but atleast now you know the truth for both emmet’s and my side. I love you. Thank you for having faith in me, i knew it would turn out, darling.
On a side note, i smell really good and i look kind of pretty. You just left but your coming over again and i want to look good for you so you cant keep your...
im spending the night tonight with the man i adore, the only one i love and the only one i ever want to love in all my years. he means the world to me, and though he is playing video games right now, i find it hard to not be near him and instead be in the next room. he is everything to me. everything.
my heart has no business beating if its not beating for you
i love you too much to not be true
and i’ll fight for you
it doesnt matter what i have to do
i love you
i fucking love you
I’ve never so badly wanted to dissapear… i want to so badly.
And so do you..
but here is the difference; i want to dissapear with you, and you want to dissapear alone.
I love you way too much to ever let you go. You’re the only person who is actually darling to me. You are the person i love. I hate this. I love you. I fucking LOVE you please do not leave me, i love you so so...
2 tags
i told you all the kinky shit i want to do...
Biting, bruising, choking, hair pulling, scratch-me-till-i-bleed good dirty sex.
Call me names. Im your dirty whore. Im a slut. fuck me harder.
Throw me up against the wall, pin me down, hit me. Bite my lip till its busted.
Molest me. Intrude me. Exploit me. Explore me. Excite me.
Rape me. Role play with me. You’re a stranger. You’re a step brother. You’re a rapist. Let me be...
May 2011
1 post
2 tags
You dont know how much i hate it that we fight a lot now,
You dont understand how much you mean to me, boy. You really dont.
You get so mad, though. So, so mad. And I know its my fault. I should keep my mouth shut about things that make me sad that you do. I know that when i mention them it seems like a guilt trip and you feel bad, but i dont know how to not mention them. They eat away at me...
April 2011
4 posts
1 tag
- those moments in the morning where we both wake up at the same time, and we spend the next 20 minutes kissing and cuddling and staring at each other.
- when you meet me at the doorway, a song is playing.. and you pull me in to dance with you, all alone
- when you show up in the middle of the night because you know im upset
- when you carve our initials into a pb&j
-when you tear off the...
3 tags
I love you
and im so insecure. I dont try to be. But i am
how i only feel loved when you do something that you feel bad about,
sometimes theres something sweet, something completely adorable at random times… but what i need most is words…
tell me how you feel or i wont think you feel it. I have a lot of doubt about everything because … i fucking HATE comparing my last...
5 tags
I love those nights
that i forget for even an instant that i fell asleep in your arms. When you nudge me softy at 3:00 am to tell me that both your cats are purring and snuggling with us. We usually repeat ‘i love you’ a few more time, with a possible kiss, or two.. or three..
We fall back asleep instantly for a few more hours. waking up slightly from eachothers movements, the way you hold on to me like...
March 2011
8 posts
8 tags
When it all comes down to it, all i really want is you. Your the one thing i need right now.. Just your skin in mine. We dont need to be doing anything. I just want to feel the softness, the warmth of your skin pressing onto mine, and i want to kiss the softness and warmth of your mouth. soft and warm, soft and warm. I just want to lay with you like that, wide awake and content in being tangled up...
3 tags
Does he really like talking to me? I mean, i try and desperatly want to talk about important things or atleast things with depth, things with substance. But its like whenever i try, it usually just fizzles out right away. Maybe im just doing it wrong. I dont know.
But i do know that sometimes when i try to have important conversations about him and i or things that im going through that make me...
I just really miss you right now.
I desperatly want to hold you and for you to hold me, safe and warm in each others arms. Bare, warm, soft skin touching on our legs and my chest pressed against the side of your body, which is laying flat on your back, your arm around my head working as my own personal pillow nudging my head into the crook of your neck where we fit like a puzzle piece. Your free hand holding the one i have draped...
3 tags
if you’re all i have now, then thats fine with me. im not worried now, because you’re all i really need. you are no friend of mine, you are so much more and i love the way you blow me kisses when i walk out of your door so if he leaves my life, i wont be all alone even though he’s the best friend ive ever known remember ill be sad but ill my heart will still smile ill just need...
i know this blog an seem like its complaining sometimes,
but truth is that he is the most beautiful thing ive ever seen, hes.. fucking perfect.
hes incredible. i look at him like he is made of gold, because to me, he is.
i could never get enough of him, and i feel so in love.
the past two days youve been a bit sweeter, more...
I wanna hold your hand so tight, im gunna break my...
I know you love me so much, and you know i love you too. But days like these are why im a philophobic, alright? I get scared and i over analyze things, and its seriously just not you.
In the begining i used to NEVER x out of his and my facebook coversations, id sit there and read them over and over again with a goofy smile until no text would show up. I just delete them now. No big deal. Its just...
February 2011
7 posts
7 tags
Darling,
I know its been harder than usual lately, things seem kind of strained, and we are not in our happy little bubble anymore. As you called it ‘the honeymoon stage’ well, i guess we’re out of it.
There are times where i wish that you hugged me more, or kissed me like its the first and last time, but when it really comes down to it, i want you to know i would never change a thing...
5 tags
making love is so different than having sex.
the first and only time ive ever made love was a couple weeks back.
it started with honest confessions of being scared, facing our problems with kisses that progressed into sighs, sighs that progressed into more kisses, everywhere. soft smiles, a warmth in my heart that could set cities on fire. skin on skin. moving on top of eachother, brown eyes,...
4 tags
and so the story goes on;
and the girl who made herself make and sign a contract promising to never love again, told the boy who was afraid of love.. that she loved him. And he said it back. You know, i always wanted to witness a moment like that. We were outside the Coffee Hag, and I was upset. My best friend was close to death. He was holding me, and he asked if i was fine. I said i was. “no you’re...
Second sleep in a row with a nightmare of the...
It sucked.
I woke up so exasperated.
All i really remember from this last one was looking at him, through tears. I said “I thought you would be something i’d be good at.” And then he walked away.
No. non no no no nono.
Its odd, you know. How you start to feel so fond for someone after they hurt you. Like, after someone leaves you, or you leave them, and then they realize how...
January 2011
1 post
Love.
So im a philophobic. I’ve come to terms with this. I think most of us humans are anyways. We’re not the most passive species, you know. If we think we may be put in danger, we usually run for the hills. I guess you can say, its hard not to run right now. Its hard not to call my best guy friend, the craziest kid i know, and say “Lets go to new york. Now. Lets just go!”...