I know its been harder than usual lately, things seem kind of strained, and we are not in our happy little bubble anymore. As you called it ‘the honeymoon stage’ well, i guess we’re out of it.

There are times where i wish that you hugged me more, or kissed me like its the first and last time, but when it really comes down to it, i want you to know i would never change a thing about you. Ever. I really do find you perfect.

I just want you to stop worrying.. you are not even close to loosing me, you are so far away from that point. Im just begining to love you, remember that. Its just bloomed. We still have our season left, and maybe this sunshine that we have.. well, maybe it will last forever. And, to bloom further, it needs a little rain, too.  No one knows, but all i know is right now, you are what i want. Not anyone else.

Ironicly, all this has made me become closer to you. Cherish you more. Appreciate what i had. Before when everything was perfect all the time and we never had an issue, it almost didnt seem real. I felt so much happiness, and love, and adoration, but i never knew what it would be like without you happy and holding my hand and kissing me.

I saw you cry, in the car. I cried too.  When you turned away on the top level of the bed in lesters room, i felt horrible. I need you, i really need you. I dont want you to turn away, and even though usually i wouldnt admit it, i had to. “I dont want you away from me” At that point, my heart softened so much, because i realized that i really dont.

I mean, well. I know you dont like Taylor Swift too much, but to quote one her songs… that has been ringing in my head since then. “I’ll still leave, but baby all i want is you, standing outside my door with pebbles screaming ‘im in love with you, wait there in the pouring rain and come back for more. But baby all i need is on the other side of the door.”

I guess what she means is that if im upset, i need you the most right then… and i know i rejected your advances in the car, but i just need love.

Jonah, i love you. I never want to be without you and you dont fuck up. I think you are perfect, never forget that.